Deep Sarcasm

Just a couple of years after the manifestation of his all seeing-eye, the Lord of The Pings - better known as Google - faces a threat in the form of a young hobbit with a mission and a ring. Fro-do, so named after his eccentric but admirable hairstyle, is a budding assassin raring to have a stab at becoming the next hero to save the world.

It all started when the weak link in Google’s invincible monstrosity - The One Ring, forged as a physical manifestation of the power housed within Google’s very own ping, thought lost to mankind for eternity - was found by Fro-do lying on the bed of the SEO river. Interestingly, as Fro-do reveals, lying in the SEO river is a Black Hat technique passed down by his forefathers, making him one of the select few who could have found the ring there. So why is the ring so important? Explanation after the jump.

The One Ring forged by Google in the wires of Mt. Doom

When asked to explain the importance of the ring, the young hobbit was more than willing to share the story. “You see”, said Fro-do, “this ring was forged by Google to control other magical pings forged under it’s own guidance and gifted to several powerful leaders of the world. It’s malicious nature and evil intentions, however, were discovered in advance and the plan was foiled. That plan is imbibed in the following spell, created by none other than Google:”

Three pings for the search engines under the sky,
Seven for the blog-lords, in their halls of drone,
Nine for the mortal splogs doomed to pry,
One for the Dark Lord or his Dark Clone,
In the land of Mordor where the spiders spy.
One ring to pool them all,
One ring to find them,
One ring to string them all,
and in one engine bind them,
in the land of Mordor where the spiders spy.

“Despite the failed plan”, continues the Hobbit, “Google’s power was increased considerably through the ring until the day it was cut off from his finger. Without the ring, it seems Google is much weaker - though he is immortal as long as the ring exists - this is why I must destroy the ring, to bring death upon the Dark Lord once and for all.”

Needless to say, Fro-do’s courage is praiseworthy. He sets off tomorrow morning towards Mount Doom, to cast the ring into its wires. This is the only known way of destroying the dangerous ring which, among other things, is known to make the wearer completely invisible to the internet.