Deep Sarcasm

I’ve been meaning to write this one for a long time. Don’t worry though, it’s not just a big rant and/or vent, I will be explaining exactly why India is going to be stuck in the third world for quite a while to come.

First, and deserving of that position on the wall of shame, is the police force India boasts. I’m sure you’ve read the articles in the newspapers (if you live in India, that is), but for those who haven’t, let me sum it up: The modus operandi of a cop on a crime scene is to apprehend the prime suspect on the spot, take him/her to the lock up, and beat him/her till he/she confesses (Innocence? That obviously doesn’t exist). Of course, there have been some “deaths in custody”, but they’re always followed by a big hush up after a temporary uproar.

Not only that, they fail at reconstructing crime scenes - defaming the dead, accusing the victims - it seems they are all for crime and criminals. Want to file a report? Answer these questions first: What exactly transpired? Where did you come from? Why did you wait till now? Why didn’t you do that first? And these are only the first few, before they get into the groove and try to drive you away, all so that they don’t have another oh-so-time-consuming case to work on.

Don’t blame them, blame their miserable working conditions, poor intellect and political motivations. I won’t even go into the politics of this country, because it is more convoluted and corrupted than the rusty old pipework under it. Suffice to say that all money is meant to be pocketed covertly and all blame is to be subtly redirected, preferably to someone too poor or too weak to deny charges.

Second comes the media, which is to blame only partly: for half of what it tells us is the report of something someone else did. The other half? From every news station comes a statement that contradicts another’s. Take the case of the three teens who died in a car crash recently: While the Times of India reports that the ones that passed away were all in the final year of school (BUT between 15 and 18 years of age, see the self-contradiction?) while the Hindustan Times places them (correctly) in the Xth standard. The one survivor was the only one in the final year of school!

The parents of the kids are said to deny that their kids were drunk, despite medical confirmation from at least the survivor. All I have to say is: what the hell? Besides, you shouldn’t let your 15 year old go drinking at 2 am at hotels, especially with the car keys. I don’t think anyone deserves to lose their children, but these weren’t exactly model parents.

Media also brings to us the foolishness of Indian people: superstitions, stupidity, you name it. People believe a long dead guy is “alive” and goes for a vacation to Punjab every summer: to this end they send a portrait there via express train and have it sent back two months later, all accompanied by festive worship. There’s the guy who has some spinal disorder and is growing a “tail”, and he is oh-so-holy that he deserves to be on national television for two hours. There is of course, more, but it is all equally silly if not more so. I do, however, admit to watching this stuff if only for the entertainment value - but I still think the country would be better without it.

Maybe I’ve given you a reason to turn on the telly next time you’re here - maybe I’ve done exactly the opposite and convinced you to stay away from the media. What I do hope is that I’ve persuaded you to avoid men in uniform, and the trouble that accompanies them more often than not.